363.67 Days of Dicking Left


  • Yesterday I turned 31.  I’m still 31 today.  I’m keeping this age.  Some women say they’d like to stop at 29 or 30?  Not me.  I love my 30s.  It’s credibility in an age.
  • My domestic partner (DP) said he would break up with me when I turned 32 because he read someplace that women reach the peak of their beauty in their 31st year.  So I’m looking down the barrel of 363.67 remaining days of the healthiest love relationship I have ever had.
  • Our home heat is powered by hot water.  The baseboards make a noise.  Yesterday morning, my daughter who is six came into our room and said, “My room makes a dick, dick, dick noise at night.  It keeps me awake.”  After we explained the expanding pipes, DP said “Gotta stay away from that dicking.”
  • Lazarus died.  We returned him to the pet store where we received the worst customer service ever.
  • I went trick-or-treating with my fake sister-in-law, and realized that it’s enjoyable to be thrust together with people you wouldn’t otherwise know, and to compare notes on entering a strange family.
  • Today my mom turns 54.  I called her this morning, and I feel like I annoyed her more than edifying her.  I was tedious.  She laughed heartily when I confessed this fear and told me she loves me.
  • We bought too many bags of trick-or-treat candy.  So far today I have had 2 fun size Milky Ways, 1 Peanut Butter Cup, and my left-over bean curd with garlic sauce from my pre-birthday lunch out.
  • I am looking forward to participating in NaNoWriMo because I can, legitimately, shut down my internet to write fiction.  I cannot shut down my internet to do any of the other work I do.  It is a baiting distraction.

Author: April Line Writing

Writing about whatever the f*ck I want.

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