Shooting Apple Juice

Mom Comedy:

We got some of these neato Take ‘n’ Toss cups with straws for Pearl so she still has the top, but doesn’t have the juvenile, sippy cup thing.  She’s six after all.

The thing about the cups is that if you put the straw in the lid, then try to close it when it’s full, some of the liquid will squirt out of it.  Simple physics, but it wasn’t really obvious to me at first.

“Mommy, can I please have some apple juice please?” (when she remembers, she does say please twice)

“Of course.”

I put the lid on, forgetting about the liquid squirting, and some apple juice leaped forth.

“Whoa, mommy.  Why are you shooting apple juice?”

“Because I ran out of heroin.”

“What are you talking about, mommy.”

“Nothing, Pearlie.  I just forgot to take the straw out before I put the lid on.”

Sometimes, being me and a mom is dangerous.  Sometimes, things come out of my mouth before I think about them, and in this case, it took me 12 hours to laugh at my own joke.  When I went to bed that night, I laughed so hard and long I cried.  Still, if Pearl were a touch more savvy and persistent, that whole comedic moment would’ve led to a long and impossibly protracted discussion of drugs and addiction that I’m not sure Pearl has the cognitive powers to grasp.

Oy Vey. Think before you talk, mommy.



Author: April Line Writing

Writing about whatever the f*ck I want.

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