Jammie Dodgers

I recently read this really hilarious thing about how the English think that Hershey’s Kisses taste like vomit. I mean, imagine really clever, sarcastic, sardonic hate on Hershey’s Kisses, but cooler and smarter sounding because English. Read it Here.

So at the Wegman’s today, in the groovy international section where there are some real confectionary treasures, I picked up a packet (I believe that’s the authentic word) of Jammie Dodgers. I chose these for a couple of reasons. I really dig sandwich cookies lately. I’ve been on a sandwich cookie bender. I ate almost an entire pack of vienna fingers (admittedly not even the best of the vanilla-on-vanilla sandwich cookies) all by myself the other day. I shared a few with the people I live with, but I was stingy. Another reason I chose the Jammie Dodger is because in this terrific movie by Aardman called Flushed Away, the heroine sewer rat (voiced by Kate Winslett) drives this cool boat called The Jammie Dodger.

The packaging is not especially promising. It’s real red and yellow and a little bit overdone. So we bust into these things, and they taste like they’ve been hanging out in some mildewy basement for six years. The “shortbread” cookie is more like loosely packed saw dust. The “raspberry plum jam filling” is the texture of chewing gum and the flavor of cough syrup. When it warms up, it leaches onto your teeth and requires some aggressive tonguing.

My point in writing this blog is that while I don’t altogether disagree that the Hershey’s Kisses taste like vomit, this abomination of a shortbread sandwich cookie ignited in me a faint indignation that the national, waxy, Lazy American treat should be so verbally assailed by a nation that feeds its children mildewed sawdust patties filled with red cough syrup putty. WTF, England!


Author: April Line Writing

Writing about whatever the f*ck I want.

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