Look Good Naked

On the TV Guide Channel, I learn more about the ways in which I am horrified by current TV offerings than I learn about what I want to watch.

My least favorite listing is Look Good Naked. Presumably, this show has a how-to format. I would also suspect that its demographic is heterosexual females aged 18-25. I have this suspicion for a number of reasons. I suppose I could watch it and find out for sure, but I am fairly certain I would be disgusted. I would probably feel bad about myself. It would also take all the fun out of this blog post.

1. Men don’t care how they look naked, their partners will usually accept them unconditionally.
2. If men do care how they look naked, they probably don’t need any tips on the how to.
3. Fact: men have higher metabolism than women, their bodies are designed to retain less fat.
4. I like to hope that people of substance over the age of 25 have realized that looking good naked is at the bottom of the list of necessary attributes in a partner. Or, if it is important, it is less important than it was before the age of 25.
5. There are many, many more depictions of nude or nearly nude women across cultures and publications than there are depictions of nude or nearly nude men, which is how we can guess with fair certainty what exactly they mean by “good.”

Here’s how to look “good” naked if you are a normal heterosexual female ages 18-25.

1. do not, under any circumstances, have a baby.
2. always do it with the lights off.
3. if you must eat, eat only things that say protien, vegetbale, fruit or water on them. No more than 1 lb of food daily, fewer than 500 calories.
4. Drink lots and lots of black coffee.
5. Smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day.
6. Never engage in activity that may cause bruises, if you do get bruises, you should do it in the basement with the lights off.
7. Wax everything, every 3 days.
8. Save your pennies for 2 words: Gastric Bypass.

Here’s how to look “good” naked if you are a filthy rich heterosexual female ages 18-25.

1. Hire a personal trainer.
2. Hire Oprah’s cook.

Here’s how to look good naked if you are me,

1. be me
2. don’t worry about it
3. have pride in your stretch marks and hips
4. eat well

But here’s the thing.

Looking good naked is totally subjective.

The TV program Look Good Naked is one of the many symptoms of the ways in which we have committed, as Americans, to a particularly unhealthy desire for sameness, narrow ideas of attractiveness and resisting individual thought.

Author: April Line Writing

Writing about whatever the f*ck I want.

2 thoughts on “Look Good Naked”

  1. It sucks, but it’s true: watching the show <>does<> take the fun out of mocking it. I watched it on On Demand at home, because you mentioned it here and because it depicts lots of chubby girls in very little clothing. This show actually made me feel pretty good about it. Really! Longer Review: There are no weight loss tips whatsoever – in fact, the goal of the show is to take the woman how she is and design a makeover thingy around her. It’s a bit of a how-to, but it’s also a makeover show. The show really does take the whole body image thing head-on: they make the subject stand in front of a series of mirrors and take her clothes off. She then leads the host on a tour of everything she hates about her body. Of course, the host then gives <>her<> a tour on the good things about her body. They do a few gimmicky tricks to show the girl (and the audience) how her preconceptions about her body are probably wrong. For instance, they get a bunch of big-hipped models, with hips ranging in size from 40″ and up, and ask the subject to put herself where she thinks she is in order. Naturally, she completely overshoots herself. They layer these sorts of segments into a ladder climb of confidence for the subject. It’s not about making girls thin, it’s about making girls be happy as they are.My elevator summary: The entire apparatus of a cable network television show is harnessed to the task of making one fat girl feel good about herself. If you get a chance, watch it. You might change your opinion.

  2. boy oh, do I feel sheepish.On your recommendation, James, I shall watch it. And then, I shall post a new review of the show and how much I love it and want to go on it with the title, “Damnit, Jim.”

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